i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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