Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
