How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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