I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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