Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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