Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
