She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
