if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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