I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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