I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
