The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
