Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
