Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
