FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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