my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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