I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Randomize
