Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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