she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
