I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Someone came in the potted fern
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
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