the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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