I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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