is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
