I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
