saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
