If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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