getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
