His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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