haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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