Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Randomize
