he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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