I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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