Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
