either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
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