you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
