After last night, I could never be a politician.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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