How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
