Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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