I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
