I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
ugly people sure do ruin things
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
