dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
