Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
