Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
