You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
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Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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