I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!