Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
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Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
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Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...