Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me