She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
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i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
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I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.