Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
