Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
