Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
