You're so nebulous sometimes
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
My liver just had a heart attack.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
