____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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