Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
