when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
you win again, gameday.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
