Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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