therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Farmville is her only friend.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
