Sry I called you an 8
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
