so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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