I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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