oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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