i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
