Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
