There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
