He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
