Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
